It’s a new year, and many couples have decided to improve their marriages. However, if they are like most Americans, only six percent will keep their resolutions, according to Forbes.com. While there is value in annual relationship assessments, relying on resolutions is an unproductive way to correct shortfalls.
Do you want to set your marriage on a course for continual growth? If so, here is an idea: focus less on your marriage and more on yourself.
Is It Your Marriage or Is It You?
The covenantal bond of marriage is an excellent context for Christian growth and introspection. For example, marriage can be an incubator for patience, forgiveness, self-discipline, love, and other godly attributes. Since marriage reflects the people in it, the institution of marriage is never the problem.
Meet Brad and Stephanie. Every year, they resolve to fix their “communication” problem to no avail. Brad wants to win at all costs. Stephanie must always be right. While his competitiveness earns him sales awards, and her tenacity makes her a successful accountant, their caustic oil-and-water personality cocktail destabilizes communication. They can’t agree on their resolutions list, let alone marital decisions. Can you relate?
Look Within.
The psalmist says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24 ESV). This passage is a reminder that hurtful tendencies lie deep within the heart. Ask God to help you recognize things you unknowingly do or say that grieve your spouse.
Do This.
Instead of marriage resolutions, consider a weekend getaway, a day trip to a scenic place, or an evening walk with your spouse this year. While together, carve out some individual time with God. Acknowledge Him as the supreme examiner of your heart (Psalm 26:2; 1 Corinthians 4:5). Use Psalm 139:23-24 and related passages as a prayer guide. Expect to be humbled as God uncovers hidden flaws. Share with your spouse what God has shown you. Confess, ask for forgiveness if necessary, and pray for each other.
Resolve to start a new tradition this year—get alone with your spouse often and allow God to survey your souls personally and as a couple. A better you means a better marriage.
