Do you remember your first love letter? Was it written by a grade-school crush or the kid you played with in the neighborhood? Romantic feelings predate puberty for most people. Yet, “puppy love” is not limited to crayon-toting schoolmates. Infatuation is often mistaken for love by adults. How do you know when you have found the one? Here are three questions to consider in your search for true marital love.
1. Can I be friends with this person? Friendship is considered inferior to love by some. “Oh, we’re just friends” is a common statement used to downplay a relationship. This reaction communicates that friendship is the soil for a budding romance rather than the seed from which marital love grows. Love deepens when married people also like each other. Devoted friends commit to the relationship in good and bad times. The Bible declares, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”(Proverbs 17:17, ESV).
2. Is the relationship driven by physical or spiritual attraction? Choosing a mate often begins with a glance. Physical attraction is an important component of a healthy marriage. And yet, relying on outward beauty to sustain a marriage is akin to making sugar a primary dietary supplement. Temporary delight may lead to permanent damage. Spiritual attractiveness, on the other hand, is “unfading beauty” (1 Peter 3:4). While good looks captivate the eyes, good character captivates the heart. Wise love seekers look for godly qualities such as truthfulness, selflessness, and patience.
3. Does the relationship feel too good to be true? The absence of disagreements in the pre-marital stage of a relationship may suggest dishonesty on the part of one or both people. Putting the best foot forward feels socially proper. However, if the worst foot remains hidden, the approach is deceptive. The goal is candor, not conflict. Transparency throws open the curtains of a person’s heart, shedding light onto their authentic self (Matthew 12:34-35). Seeing the good, bad, and ugly at the start of a relationship provides clarity as the couple explores the possibility of marriage.
Genuine love resides where Christ is magnified, and selfish desires are minimized. This kind of love is anchored in the individual’s resolve and is not swayed by moods. True love is God’s love—steady, sacrificial, and sincere.
