Parker is the life of the party. He is at his best when he makes his wife the object of jokes in public. Amy’s naturally pink cheeks camouflage her inward embarrassment. As a Christian, she knows she must forgive Parker but wonders if her love for him can last. After five years of marriage and two babies, Amy feels like a worn-out punch line rather than a beloved wife and mother. Her pleas for Parker to stop using her weight for cheap laughs are dismissed as harmless fun. Her silent suffering has led to deep resentment.
Couples will experience emotional wounds from their spouses. The offenses range from private insensitivities to sexual affairs. Regardless of the severity of the transgression, the offended are faced with a decision- do nothing, retaliate, or forgive. How do you react when your spouse hurts you?
The Meaning of Forgiveness
Biblical forgiveness conveys dismissal or release. Jesus emphasizes forgiveness in His mission to “…proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free…” (Luke 4:18-19). Unforgiveness keeps the oppressor and the oppressed chained to the offense. Couples bound by hurt will struggle to remain bound by love. Forgiveness can free the couple from their emotional captivity.
The Price of Forgiveness
Forgiveness comes at a cost. Christ paid for mankind’s sins with His blood. Still, the sinner may suffer consequences though God has forgiven him. The repentant thief on the cross was innocent in heaven but guilty on earth. In marriage, injured parties may pay the price of ongoing harm if their mates refuse to change. On the other hand, remorseful offenders may suffer the consequence of distrust or worse. Additionally, reconciled couples may bear the scars of long-term conflict.
The Response to Forgiveness
Unlike God, humans cannot erase wrongdoing. However, they can choose not to hold the wrong against the offender. Forgiveness requires the sufferer to initiate mercy toward someone who may not deserve it. Forgiveness can lead to lasting marital love when both parties work to fix the cause of unsettled conflicts. The spouse who harms must acknowledge the destructive behavior, commit to a plan for change, and follow through. The harmed spouse must forgive as one is forgiven, and refrain from revisiting past pain.
When couples practice confession and forgiveness, they may learn that love is not just the product of forgiveness. Love is also the power that drives forgiveness.
This article first appeared in the Birmingham Christian Family Magazine
